


As Long As I have You, I'm Okay

by o0kaymawn0o



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Sam, Established Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Established Relationship, First Time, Incest, Kissing, M/M, Top Dean, Wakes & Funerals, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:22:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1615892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o0kaymawn0o/pseuds/o0kaymawn0o
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Sam watch as John's body burns before their eyes. They're all they have. All they're ever going to have. And that's okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Long As I have You, I'm Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Went with a style that I used when I wrote a piece called Acceptance. It seemed to work well for this, so yeah.

It’s dark.

So dark.

A small flickering light from the fire illuminating the anguished faces.

One, subtle—visibly hurting, not shedding a tear.

The other, searching for a hand to hold, something to stabilize him, someone to stop the tears from falling.

So different, yet one in the same. Mourning loss. Mourning their loss, experiencing their pain and expressing it in two different ways.

They are all they have. All they will _ever_ have. And that is okay. It is the only thing that makes sense to them. People that come near them end up dead. Their mother perished in a fire to protect them. Their father now perished protecting them.

Why does everyone throw their lives away just to save theirs?

Then again, it seems to run in the family.

Dean threw his soul away to bring Sam back to him.

Sam begged Dean to kill him if he ever goes dark side, if he ever allows the powers given to him by the yellow-eyed demon to take control, turn him in to the monster he is destined to be.

They jump in, head first.

Not caring about the consequences.

Only pushing themselves to preventing either one dying, just like the way their mother and father have. They are both selfish. _So selfish._ And they do not even care. If it is them with the knife to their throat, instead of the other, they are happy and that is it. They are happy to die for each other because they cannot stand the thought of watching either one throw their life away.

They ignore how the other will take it, the misery that will come afterwards, regardless of whether or not they survive.

They are ready to lose their lives, so that the other may live.

Dean did not hesitate to seal the deal with a kiss.

The only part of the contract he regrets is sharing his lips with someone other than Sam. His everything. Mind, body and soul. They belong to each other. It is not written in the stars. It does not have to be.

One look is all they need.

To see the love.

_To see the devotion._

The sheer will to stay together no matter what the consequence. However, if it comes to one dying, they are more than ready to give their life up so that the other might live.

_Selfish._

_Broken._

_Ruined._

Hesitation is not something that runs in their blood. The only time Dean hesitates is when it is at the cost of Sam. The only time that Sam hesitates is when it is at the cost of Dean.

They have been together since Sam was born. They hate to be away from each other for more time than needed. Dean refuses to go a day without at least seeing Sam or hearing his voice.

It took a while for them to realize that their co-dependence meant more than just the life that they were forced into. Hunting; safety, were not the only things that tied them together like a knot.

There had always been something more.

When Sam turned twenty-two, and he was back in Dean’s life after the horror of Stanford and the death of Jess, they finally let themselves go. Lost themselves in bruising kisses, presses of skin that spoke of the years that they have waited to do this, the pain they went through seeing each other with other partners—the _regret_ that burned hot in their stomachs at not noticing sooner—the moments that they missed out on.

The first time had been full of hesitance on both sides.

Dean had not wanted to hurt Sam in any way, even though they realized that it was not going to be cakewalk the first time around.

Sam was fine with the whole thing, just wanting to be connected with Dean. Feel Dean inside of him, melding them together like they should have always been.

_Two sides of the same coin._

It felt _right._

_Felt normal._

_Even if it was the furthest thing from normal in the eyes of the Lord and America._

They did not care.

No one else mattered to them.

It was them, just them, and that was all they ever needed.

When they were together, the world did not seem as fucked up as it truly was, as they knew it to be.

John was wayward.

He never knew.

He never had an inkling of what really went on in those run down motels, behind closed curtains.

They never made love in the dark.

They wanted to see each other.

Dean wanted to stare into Sam’s eyes, see the love that he felt reflected back at him, as he rocked slowly into Sam’s body, angling his hips in the perfect way that made sure that it felt just as good for Sam as it did for Dean.

Dean never treats Sam like a girl.

Sam is a man.

He pays as much attention to Sam’s cock as he does his own, encloses his lips around Sam’s hard length, forcing himself to slide Sam’s dick into his mouth as far as it will go, playing with Sam’s heavy balls in the meantime, until Sam’s ready.

_Until he wants Dean._

_Needs Dean._

_Needs for them to be connected to each other in that special way._

_That unnatural way._

_But it feels right._

All of Sam is a beautiful canvas for Dean to play with, work out the kinks and put the pieces of the masterpiece together.

_Sam is perfect._

Every patch of skin.

Every smile.

Every laugh.

_Those dimples that Dean cannot help but gaze at fondly._

Sam’s magical hands that work Dean’s cock to hardness in less than a second, coupled with that sinful mouth, and the heat of Sam’s ring as it slips over Dean’s cock head, pulling him in all the way until they are one.

_It feels right._

He loves Sam’s eyes.

He loves the way he huffs when Dean says something that does not make a lick of sense, but the implements are there.

He loves how Sam’s hair looks perfect on him, but would look stupid on anyone else.

He loves how Sam quotes lines from books that Dean’s never picked up, or even thoughts to read.

_He loves how Sam loves him._

_Mind, body and soul._

Dean is Sam’s.

Sam is Dean’s.

And that is okay. That is all they will ever need. It is all they are ever going to have.  

And that is okay.

That is okay.

It is okay.

Dean reaches for Sam’s hand, his lids sliding shut over his eyes, taking in the sensations and the support he feels from his younger brother just holding him. They are stabilizing each other. Sam tightens his grip on Dean’s hand, turning his body and throwing his arms around Dean, pressing his face into Dean’s broad shoulders, hiding his tears.

As Dean watches the fire burn off the flesh of their father, he runs his hands through Sam’s long, floppy brown hair, breathing in Sam’s scent. A unique scent that is purely Sam.

“It’s okay, Sammy. I’m always gonna take care of you,” he whispers into the stringy tendrils, kissing a patch of hair, rocking Sam from side to side.

“I’ll always protect you, little brother. And I’ll always love you.”

_Always._

_As long as I have you, I’m okay._

“I love you too, Dean.”

_We’re all we have._

_All we’ll ever have._

_And that’s okay._

 


End file.
